The Pilot is the first episode of the Angry Birds TV Show.
Script[]
Pigs hide behind bushes. There is a scene of Red, Chuck, and Matilda tending to 3 eggs.
Red: Aren't they just precious? They're the most beautiful things imaginable.
Matilda: Good thing we found them quick, too. Otherwise...
Chuck - Yeah... let's not talk about that.
Birds gather sticks, flowers, make the eggs more visibly attractive.
Minion Pig 1 - *sneezes*
Red quickly turns his face towards the noise.
Red: I heard something.
Matilda: You're just being hysterical.
Red: No... I swear. I heard a sneeze. How... strange.
Red creeps towards the bush.
Minion Pig behind bush begins to sweat.
Chuck: Red, forget it. There's nothing there.
Red: Aww... alright. But don't blame me when something happens.
Minion Pig sighs in relief.
Matilda: I think the Eggs are going to hatch very soon!
Chuck: AWW yeah!
Minion Pig 1: *whispers* Aww no!
Minion Pig 2: Better hurry this up then.
Corporal Pig: Alright, shut up, shut up you idiots. Minions! In formation!
Minion Pigs huddle into a 16 x 16 square quickly.
Corporal: Alright. Let's huddle. 5... 4... 3... GO!
Minions all swarm the birds.
Matilda: WHAT THE DAMN HELL?
Minions knock Chuck into a tree, smack Red into a bush. Meanwhile, Matilda starts smacking the the Pigs with a purse. Frame changes to Corporal.
Corporal: MORE MINIONS! ATTACK!
More swarms of minions attack Matilda, who now in place of a purse weilds a tuba, which screeches on every hit.
Corporal: MORE MORE MINIONS! ATTACK!
More swarmds of minions attack Matilda, who now in place of a tuba now carries a whole piano. She throws it at an entire swarm of minions, and it breaks on impact.
Corporal: DAMMIT JUST SEND EVERYONE!
MORE MORE minions come and attack Matilda, who now in place of a piano weilds a bag of minion pigs in a net and throws it at the pigs.
Minion Pig 3 - Corporal... don't mean to be a' rude here, but wouldn't it make a bit gosh darn sense to send them half of pigs to get the eggs while the other half fights the crazy lady?
Corporal: Don't tell me what to do. HEY! HALF OF YOU FIGHT THE CHICKEN AND THE OTHER HALF GET THE GOSH DARN EGGS!
Minions look at the Corporal, then the eggs, then shrug and take the eggs. In the distance Matilda is still fighting the other pigs near her. Red and Chuck have set up lawn chairs and are watching.
Red: Oh!... No!...
Chuck: Eggs... ahh!
Minion Pigs pop up from behind the lawn chairs and give them massages. Other minions come around them with drinks.
Red: HEY! EGGs... ahh... oh that feels good...
Chuck: Yeah... what were we talking about again?
Matilda now stacks the pigs in the shape of an eiffel tower. She then faces the eggs. Once she realizes the Eggs are missing, the tower topples and the sky turns gray.
Matilda: RED! CHUCK!
Red: Huh?
Chuck: Wha?
Matilda: Get. Over. Here. BEFORE I BLOW YOUR BUNS OVER HERE!
Red and Chuck then flip the lawn chairs, smack then all on the minion pigs, and rush to Matilda.
Chuck puts on black sunglasses.
Chuck: Let's roll.
In front of the gates of Pig City
-Birds hide behind a bush-
Red: 3...2...1...
-Birds pounce at 2 minion pig guards fending the gates of Pig City-
Chuck: That was easy.
Matilda: And it was nice too!
Red: Yeah! Let's go get Ice Cream!
Chuck and Matilda: YAY!
Red: No. Get your heads out of your butts. We're about to go in.
-Birds enter the gates and hide behind a crate. A nearby Professor Pig is visible, who is also hiding behind a barrel.
Professor Pig: Psst! Birds! Come!
Red: Another pig! Let's get him.
Professor Pig: No no, I'm here to help you!
Red: How can we trust you?
Professor Pig: Well that's just a chance you have to take, won't you? Now follow me to my lab.
Chuck: He's nice. When are we getting ice cream?
Red: WE'RE NOT GETTING ICE CREAM!
Matilda: We're not?
Professor Pig: Dear Lord, just please follow me.
-Professor Pig leads the Birds to the entrance of his lab. They walk down flights of stairs all the way to a manhole inside of the lab-
Professor Pig: Now, look at this map. If you keep heading North from this manhole, I mean- pighole, you will eventually reach the manhole inside King Pig's basement. Above that floor is the King's palace, where he is keeping the Eggs captive until Chef Pig comes back from gathering ingredients for Egg Soup, Egg Salad, Egg meat-
Red: Don't wanna know. And how would Egg Meat wor- Never mind.
Matilda: Alrighty! Let's go!
-The three birds hop into the manhole. Professor Pig covers it. Right after that, Minion Guards thump on the lab's door.-
Minion Guard: HEY! COME OUT HERE WHERE WE CAN SEE YAH!
-Professor Pig sighs, then walks up the stairs-
'Sewage Syste'm
Red: We have to keep going straight? That's pretty boring.
Matilda: Yeah. It would be more fun if there were crocidiles and rats and stuff.
-Birds stay still, as if waiting for crocidiles and rats-
Matilda - I guess not. Let's continue.
King Pig's Palace
King Pig: EGGS! I WANT EGGS!
Foreman Pig: Coming right up, Cheeks.
King Pig: WAHH! BUT I WANT THEM NOW!
-Suddenly, a crack is heard from the cage.-
King Pig: Eggs?
-From the crack in one of the eggs there is seen a glimpse of Blue.-
Red: Let's keep going. I think I see a ladder up ahead...
Minion Guard: I THINK THEY WENT THIS WAY! COME ON!
Chuck: Shoot!
Minion Guard: Never mind. They ARE here. Excuse my grammar.
-Minion Guards run towards the Birds. They get closer and closer.-
Red: I THINK THEY WENT THE OTHER WAY!
Minion Guard: Thanks!
-Minion Guards run the other way-
Chuck: That was easy! We deserve ice cream.
Red: For the last time-
Matilda- The ladder! The one that leads to the palace! It's right there!
-A manhole is seen. Red grins.-
King Pig's Palace
-The cage is seen with 3 fully hatched eggs. They are revealed to be the Blues.
King Pig: I don't get it. They're eggs?
-Chef Pig comes with ingredients in hand-
Chef Pig: Oh dear!
King Pig: What is it, Chef?
Chef Pig: The eggs have HATCHED into more birds! We can no longer eat them.
King Pig: I WANT EGGS!
Foreman: Don't mean to bother this conversation, but... the birds are gone.
-The cage is seen to have been ripped open. Suddenly, there is a huge clang heard from the bottom.-
King Pig: Woah! What is that?
Chronicler: In my analysis,
King Pig: Cut the crap, tell me!
Chronicler Pig: Jeez. The manhole's open.
King Pig: IMPUSSIBLE!
-The Pigs go below to find the Birds, who are in fact, already in the basement.-
Red: What are these things?
-The screen reveals they are surrounded by gigantic pig beasts.-
King Pig: Hello, Red.
Red: Smooth Cheeks.
King Pig: I assume you're here for the eggs?
Foreman: *whispers to Chef* When did he learn to talk like that?
Chef Pig: *whispers into a walkie talkie*,'*It's been a long time.*
King Pig: It's been a long time.
Chef Pig: *whispers into a walkie talkie*, *Good, now say something bad to him*.
King Pig: Good, now say something bad to him.
Red: What?
Chef Pig: Oh dear. JUST GET THEM!
Foreman: Release a beast!
-Chronicler releases one of the tubes, revealing a large Ice-Pig monster.-
King Pig: ATTACK THEM!
Chef Pig: Woah. He said a 6 letter word without me telling him to. *claps*
Foreman: So even when he was being stupid-
Chef Pig: Yup.
-The Ice Monster slaps all the birds against a wall, unleashing a net over them. The birds are trapped.
King Pig: Nows guards them when I eats eggs!
Chef PigL: The eggs are gone, sir.
King Pig: WAHH!!!
-The pigs walk away. The ice pig approaches them and roars-.
Red: This is the end, isn't it.
Chuck: Yep.
Matilda: Maybe had we gotten ice cream...
-Ice monster approaches, and raises his fist until it is broken off by a blue flash.-
Red: Huh?
-Ice Pig looks behind him, and is shreaded to pieces by the Blues. They sit on the ice.-
Red: Those must be...
Matilda: The hatchlings! My babies!
-Matilda picks up the 3 birds. Chuck sees a cloth on the floor and wraps it around the hatchlings.-
Matilda: They're darlings.
Chuck: Better than ice cream?
Matilda: Now, I wouldn't go that far.
-Suddenly, a large crash is heard.-
Red: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
-The six of them go down the manhole and run down the hall.-
Red: Wow, we really are stupid.
Matilda: WHY DID WE GO DOWN THIS WAY?
Chuck: Because it's cool!
Red: The tunnel is collapsing!
-Birds look back to find out sections of the manhole tunnel is falling down.-
Matilda: RUN!
-The birds run, to see Professor Pig in the distance.-
Professor Pig: Birds! Inside this circle!
-Professor Pig draws a circle around him. They get inside of it.-
Professor Pig: Hopefully this invention works.
Red: Hopefully???
Professor Pig: If I'm right, we'll end up outside of the city where I drew another circle.
-The rubble gets closer until the circle encloses and they are gone.-
Pig City Gates
Red: We made it!
Matilda: The Blues are safe.
Chuck: The Blues?
Matilda: It fits, doesn't it? I'll call this one Matilda, other one Matilda, and the other one Matilda.
Professor Pig: May I suggest Jay, Jake, and Jim? It does sound right.
Chuck: Yeah, whatever. But the name Chuck is cooler.
Professor Pig: May I also give you something?
-Professor Pig unzips his bag and hands Red three eggs.-
Professor Pig: Keep them safe. I found them and have incubated them for about 2 days, keeping it secret from the King. But I can't hold up for long! Take care of them. And gather a larger flock. You must. Send out scrolls into the sea! Other birds may find them.
Red: Okay, Professor. Thank you for your help.
Professor: Until then, keep in touch?
Matilda: Of course.
-Scene changes to South Beach. Red holds 5 scrolls. Chuck holds the eggs. Matilda holds the blues.-
Red: You think this will work?
Matilda: It's bound to be.
Chuck: Go on. We don't have time.
-Red sets the scrolls into the sea. They watch them drift away.-
Silhoutte voice: Did I miss anything?
-The birds turn around. Their eyes widen.-
Matilda: ...Bomb?